


Reject or Replace?

by SuzukiChiyeko



Category: Junjou Romantica
Genre: Drama, Insecurity, Jealousy, Light Angst, Love Triangles, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-27
Updated: 2018-05-27
Packaged: 2019-05-14 03:53:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14762099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuzukiChiyeko/pseuds/SuzukiChiyeko
Summary: It’s incredible how a single note can bring back so many feelings of doubt and uncertainty. Akihiko has always managed to remain calm and composed, until he reads a certain letter addressed to his lover. Misaki is forced to make an important decision in his life, but what will the outcome be?《Originally written in 2014》





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> At the time I wrote this, Ijuuin was practically in every new act of the manga, and Misaki never properly told him to stop flirting with him, so then I decided to write this story.
> 
> I'm not sure why I decided to go for a note and not some other method of communication. Maybe it was just for a dramatic effect.

Green eyes darted from the front door to the note in Misaki’s hands. His whole body was trembling as he tried to read the words on the paper once more. A lightheaded feeling overwhelmed him and small white spots formed in front of his eyes, blurring his eyesight.

The content of the letter wasn’t what frightened Misaki, but rather the thought of how Akihiko would react to it. He had no idea how to explain this to his lover without upsetting him; it was downright impossible. There was no way Akihiko would be okay with any of it, especially after what had happened not too long ago.

Perhaps he had simply misread something, or at least that’s what he hoped for. Who in the right mind would send someone such a request, despite knowing the most important details of Misaki’s love life?

It was most fortunate that Akihiko was at a meeting, because Misaki was actually scared to face him. There was something inside of him that told him the author was going to get mad at Ijuuin and Misaki didn’t want to go through something similar again. It was already bad enough that Akihiko almost tried to beat the crap out of the mangaka after he had practically abducted his lover.

No, there was absolutely not a chance that Misaki would go on a date with the man he had already rejected. In fact, he had done that not too long ago. Still, he didn’t know how he could turn the offer down properly; Ijuuin probably wouldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer.

Misaki’s eyes scanned the note again.

_Hello Takahashi-kun,_

_After that small 'incident' we had, I was hoping that you are willing to give me a chance to apologize to you in person. I still want to get to know you better, so perhaps we could meet in front of the bookstore tomorrow at 10 AM?_

_\- Ijuuin Kyou_

With a soft sigh, Misaki laid the note back onto the coffee table. Without a doubt, Ijuuin was upset about Akihiko’s interference and wanted to try again, but in his note he seemed very polite and calm. Misaki had already noticed by the way the mangaka and the author always looked at one another that they were at war. Akihiko didn’t want to give Misaki up while Ijuuin tried to win his love, no matter what it took.

The situation was getting more and more ridiculous with each passing day. Even though Misaki knew he loved Akihiko more than he could ever love anyone else, he found it hard to turn his idol down without hurting his feelings. Apparently, Ijuuin was not the kind of person to understand subtle messages, but Misaki didn’t want to sound too harsh. He had to tell him that he was in a relationship and refused to leave Akihiko.

Unfortunately, this wasn’t as easy as he thought at first.

Perhaps, if Misaki accepted the invitation and went on a date with Ijuuin, they could have a serious conversation about the whole thing.

“I’m home.”

Misaki swiftly spun around to see that Akihiko had returned home. It was nowhere near surprising that he was early; he had probably run away from his responsibilities at work as soon as he got the chance. Nevertheless, Misaki felt a lump in his throat as he watched Akihiko walk in his direction. A neutral, slightly tired expression was visible in those violet eyes.

Moving slowly, Akihiko locked his arms around his lover and pulled him to his chest, resting his head on Misaki’s left shoulder.

“Did you miss me?” he asked in a sleepy voice. It didn’t take long before Misaki discovered the hint of amusement in his words. After finishing his boring work, Akihiko wanted nothing more than to tease his little lover.

With a bright blush, Misaki pushed him off. “You wish! Why would I miss you if you’re off to work? It’s not like you’d stay away forever.”

Akihiko stared at him blankly. “If I didn’t come back, would you miss me?”

“Stop joking! Now you’re just being an insensitive jerk!” Folding his arms, Misaki turned away with a scowl. He couldn’t believe Akihiko would actually ask him such a question. It wasn’t as though he didn’t know how he felt.

Noticing the unusual response, Akihiko lifted Misaki’s head with one hand and looked directly into his eyes. “Did something happen while I was gone?” His gaze wandered off to the note and he cocked an eyebrow. “What’s that?”

Misaki panicked as Akihiko leaned forward, but it was too late to stop him as the latter had already picked the piece of paper up. His eyes widened in fear as Akihiko’s eyes scanned the contents of the note.

He was officially screwed.


	2. Chapter 2

Misaki studied Akihiko’s face closely. From the irritated expression tainting his face, he could jump to the conclusion that Akihiko wasn’t pleased with what he had just discovered.

Crumpling the note in his hand, Akihiko brought his attention back to his lover. Both anger and jealousy were visible in his eyes.

“Care to tell me what this is supposed to be?”

Stiffening a bit at the tone in the other’s voice, Misaki quickly snatched the note away.

“I swear I’ve done nothing wrong this time! Sensei knows I’m in a relationship with you, but he refuses to accept it.” Lowering his head, he tried to hide his own uncertainty. “Look, I…I’ll throw it away and pretend that nothing happened and I didn’t get it.”

“Won’t that mangaka come over to ask you directly if you do that?”

“Does he even know where we live?” Misaki asked skeptically.

Akihiko rubbed his temples. “Since you’re an employee at Marukawa and I have connections there as well, it can’t be that difficult. He can simply ask the people there and they will give him the address just like they’ve given you his address. Frankly, I doubt that he doesn’t know it yet; it’s very easy to find out.”

With a loud groan, Misaki walked over to the sofa and dropped himself on the plush cushions. It was actually pretty inconvenient to be working at the same company as the person you admire, but Misaki didn’t want to quit. If he wanted to be worthy of Akihiko, he needed to work hard and prove that he could separate personal matters and work-related problems.

A sign came from Akihiko’s lips before he sat down next to his lover. His anger and frustration weren’t directed at Misaki; he knew the young man couldn’t help it. Still, it was getting a very tiring game and he wanted to put an end to it somehow. Ijuuin had to be the biggest interference in their relationship so far, even bigger than the entire Usami family had been. Throwing himself back, he fished a packet of cigarettes out of his pocket.

“You do know that I’m not mad at you, don’t you? I simply can’t trust that guy anymore after what happened. If I hadn’t found you so quickly, who knows what he would have done to you.”

Suddenly, Misaki’s hands balled into tight fists and his eyes shot a nasty glare at Akihiko. “Don’t you dare talk about him like that!” he spat angrily. “Sensei may not look like it, but he’s a very kind and gentle person. I doubt he’s as bad as you say.”

“How can you still that that? He has abducted you!”

“You do that all the time!”

“No, I don’t,” Akihiko said, sounding offended. “I merely give you rides. He, on the other hand, seems to have very different intentions.”

“Stop jumping to conclusions already! The only reason why you pick me up and bring me to work and school is because you want to keep an eye on me. You say you trust me, yet you still drive me around and stalk me because you’re too scared that I’ll do something stupid. I’m getting sick of it!”

All the words Akihiko had in mind vanished, leaving his thoughts instantly. Instead of replying, he turned around and began to walk away from the couch.

Misaki, who was shocked by his reaction, quickly ran after his lover. Extending his arm, he tried to grasp Akihiko’s jacket, but he was still too far away from him.

“Usagi-san, wait!”

No reply came as Akihiko climbed the stairs without looking back. He was obviously hurt by Misaki’s words, but didn’t want to confront him. While it didn’t happen that often, the situation was all too familiar.

“Stop ignoring me!” Although Misaki sounded angry, he didn’t mean it like that. If anything, he desperately wanted to take back all the mean things he had said. His loud footsteps stalked the author, who disappeared into his office and shut the door.

Standing in front of the door, Misaki rested his head against the wooden surface. Because of his bad habit to blurt things out without thinking, Akihiko was currently avoiding him. It was the most horrible punishment he could receive from him, mainly because he knew Akihiko was suffering as well. Apologizing had always been the easiest solution, but given the situation he doubted it would work this time.

At a loss of ideas, he stepped back and looked at the door with a sad, lost expression plastered on his face. He had gotten into an unnecessary argument with the person he loved, all because of a stupid note. If he had just gotten rid of the note right away, none of this would have happened.

‘No, that’s not right,’ Misaki thought. ‘If I threw it away, Ijuuin-sensei could come over and ask me why I didn’t reply, like Usagi-san said. So then…what should I do?’

After a moment of thinking his actions through, Misaki decided to give it a try and opened the door. When he entered the office, Akihiko was sitting at his desk, typing away and ignoring his presence. He was only working to avoid having to talk to him.

Misaki, however, wouldn’t have that and took a step forward.

“Usagi-san, I—”

“Please do not disturb me,” Akihiko replied without turning away from his laptop. “I’ve got plenty of work to do.”

Both sadness and irritation welled up as Misaki stared lifelessly at him. He understood that Akihiko was mad at him, but that most certainly didn’t give him the right to send him away!

“Usagi-san,” Misaki repeated in a clear voice. “I need to talk to you. Please hear me out.”

Again, Akihiko didn’t spare him a glance. This only caused more irritation on Misaki’s behalf. Determined, he stepped forward until he was right behind Akihiko’s chair. Raising his hands, he grasped the top of the backrest and spun it around fiercely.

The impact startled Akihiko, causing his eyes to widen as he looked at the serious expression on his lover’s face. Composing himself, he tried to turn back, but was stopped by a sudden force as Misaki gripped the armrests of the chair tightly. In their current position, their faces were only a few inches apart.

Misaki had no idea what had gotten into him. Usually he wasn’t so persistent when Akihiko refused to give him his full attention—he never really had to ask for it anyway. Never in his entire life had he felt so pumped. It felt like his heart could burst right out of his chest at any moment.

All the while, Akihiko was studying his face closely, trying to figure out what was happening to his usually shy lover. Misaki never ceased to surprise him, even after all the years they had been together. Even so, the bold actions started to worry him a bit, making him  forget about his anger.

“…Misaki?” was all he finally managed to utter.

Snapping back to reality, Misaki took a step back to give Akihiko some space and stared down at him. It was rare to see that dumbfounded look on his face, but he understood. He took a deep breath and tried to find the words he needed to say. This was perhaps his only chance to explain everything to Akihiko.

“Usagi-san, I know how uneasy you feel about Sensei’s feelings for me, but you know it’s only one-sided. The kind of love I feel towards him isn’t _that_ sort of love.”

The expression on Akihiko’s face turned to a calm and serious one. “It seems that it hasn’t gotten through his thick skull yet,” he said, folding his arms.

“T-that’s because he’s being stubborn!” Misaki protested. “I rejected him a while ago, remember? He should know that I can’t return his feelings.”

“He does know, but that doesn’t mean he understands that the situation won’t change. If you know for certain that you will never fall in love with him, you’ll have to keep telling to him over and over again. It’s the only way.”

Misaki sighed loudly. “I know that, but it’s difficult to turn someone down.”

“No, it’s not,” Akihiko stated. “I used to reject girls all the time. There’s absolutely nothing difficult about it.”

“Maybe it’s easy for you, but to me this is something important! I admire Sensei, so I don’t want him to hate me for something stupid I’ve said.”

Akihiko’s eyes narrowed in jealousy at Misaki’s words. However, instead of getting angry at his lover, he actually got mad at himself. In those four years that they had lived together, Misaki had never betrayed him or tried to run away with another man. He couldn’t blame himfor Ijuuin’s annoying persistence.

In the end, though, it was impossible to deny that it was partially Misaki’s fault; he was simply irresistible in his own way. It was no wonder that another man was enthralled by him, but Akihiko was not going to let anyone take Misaki away from him. Glancing back up, he stared at Misaki’s worried face. As he rose from his chair, large eyes studied him questioningly. He admired that innocent, clueless look before clearing his throat and breaking the silence.

“Listen to me, Misaki,” Akihiko started, taking a step closer to him. “Ijuuin has become a big problem in our relationship and his feelings for you are inconvenient for the both of us. You have to tell him clearly that you can’t be with him.”

A concentrated expression adorned Misaki’s face, his brows furrowing in deep thought. Akihiko was right about rejecting Ijuuin, but that didn’t make it any easier for him. He had to find a way to tell Ijuuin that he was with Akihiko, even though that was already a known fact.

“But…how do I do that?” Misaki thought out loud. His face flushed red when he realized Akihiko had heard him. “I-I mean,” he stuttered cutely as he didn’t know what else to say.

Fortunately, Akihiko interrupted his clumsy speech. “If you want to convince him, you will have to tell him the reasons why you can’t or do not want to be with him.” Akihiko cupped Misaki’s face and looked into his eyes, piercing him with his intense stare. “Why wouldn’t you want to leave me for him? What is your reason for staying with me?”

Misaki scoffed. “You already know the reason,” he half-yelled.

“Do I now?” Akihiko asked, his lips curving into an evil smirk. “Well then, why don’t you tell me again so that I don’t forget?”

A bright shade of red colored Misaki’s face. He moved back, freeing his head from Akihiko’s grip, and then looked away. The way Akihiko spoke to him was irritating, but he knew there was still truth within his words. Besides, if he couldn’t even tell his own lover why he wanted to stay with him, how could he expect himself to say it in front of Ijuuin?

His hands balled into fists as he encouraged himself. It wasn’t as though he had never said it before, so it couldn’t be that hard to say it again.

Or so he thought…

Lips parted, ready to let the words flow out, but all that came out of Misaki’s mouth was nervous stuttering and intelligible nonsense. Mentally kicking himself, he tried harder, forcing the words past his throat. Despite his efforts, those three words still could not be heard.

The smirk on Akihiko’s face had vanished and his expression had changed to one of disappoint. Secretly, he had hoped that their relationship had developed a bit more after their trip to the summer festival. Unfortunately, it seemed as though they had the same problem as ever. It would have been nice if Misaki had taken another step forward in expressing himself and his feelings. Perhaps Akihiko had been too optimistic all along; it appeared he wasn’t at that level yet.

While Misaki still tried to get say the words, Akihiko turned around. His eyes did not meet Misaki’s as he walked out of the room.

“Usagi-san, where are you going?”

“I need to buy cigarettes. I will be back soon.” Akihiko couldn’t bear being around Misaki any longer. He didn’t want to let his lover know that he was disappointed in him, so he needed to be away from him for a while.

Akihiko made his way to the front door and put on his shoes. He opened the door, stepped outside, and in the blink of an eye he was gone.


	3. Chapter 3

The very moment the door closed, Misaki began to feel even guiltier than before. He felt like a complete loser for not being able to tell Akihiko he loved him. It was unclear to him why it was still so difficult to say it after he had accepted his feelings for him.

Once again, his stupid pride had to get in the way. It seemed like some part of him refused to believe that he was attracted to someone of his own gender. He had accepted Akihiko’s love, so was this denial something subconscious? Either way, Misaki knew he had to fight it, or he would end up hurting Akihiko even more.

He sighed loudly. Wasn’t it already too late for that? His lover had left the house to be away from him. It wasn’t unthinkable that Akihiko’s patience had reached its limit. In fact, it was a miracle that he hadn’t grown tired of his indecisiveness after so long.

How much longer would it take before his behavior really drove Akihiko away?

Shaking his head, Misaki let his body fall sideways and met the cold wall. He felt absolutely miserable for making his lover suffer. Akihiko always gave him so much love, so why couldn’t he return his feelings with words?

“I have to change,” he told himself. “If I want Usagi-san to be happy, I have to become more confident about our relationship.” Although he knew it wasn’t going to be all that easy, Misaki was determined the achieve this. He had to do it, or he might lose Akihiko forever.

Pushing himself back up, he began to walk around the penthouse. As he paced back and forth, he tried to come up with a small speech for when Akihiko came back home.

“Let’s see now…I guess Usagi-san will still be upset, so I have to be careful and avoid saying something stupid. Should I tell him that I missed him? No, that wouldn’t be right after the argument we had. I should stay on-topic and express my feelings at the same time.”

All the thinking was giving Misaki a headache. Since he had never been good at expressing himself in the romantic way, this was a real challenge for him. It didn’t help at all that Akihiko was the first person he had ever fallen in love with, because it made him inexperienced and very timid. It was about time for him to break out of his shell and become proud of his love for Akihiko.

Misaki stopped in his tracks, took a deep breath and continued.

“Usagi-san, I’m sorry for making you feel so insecure. Ijuuin-sensei has always been a person I admire, but he’s nothing more than that. I could never love him, because…I love you. There’s no way Sensei could ever replace you.”

The words continued to go on repeat inside Misaki’s head and embarrassed him immensely, but he told himself there was no reason to be ashamed. Every word came from the bottom of his heart, just like he had intended. This was what Akihiko had been waiting for those four years. If this didn’t wash away all of the author’s doubts, Misaki didn’t know what to do anymore.

The only problem was that Akihiko was currently not present, so Misaki hoped he would return soon. It couldn’t take that long, unless he had planned to stay out the entire day. If Misaki called him, would he pick up his phone? He doubted it. Akihiko clearly did not want to talk.

The sound of the doorbell brought Misaki back to reality. He dashed towards the door, his heart jumping a little in excitement at the thought that Akihiko had come back. When he reached the door, Misaki took a deep breath and grasped the doorknob. Upon opening the door, he discovered that it wasn’t Akihiko, but Ijuuin.

“Ah, Sensei! What a surprise to see you here.” Misaki laughed nervously as he held the door in his left hand. “So, uhm…would you like to come in?” He stepped aside swiftly.

Ijuuin entered the penthouse, examining his surroundings.

“Usami-sensei’s place is very nice,” he said, “You’re doing at good job at keeping this place clean.”

“Thank you.” After closing the door, Misaki walked to the kitchen. “Have a seat, Sensei. I’ll make you some tea.”

Ijuuin smiled gently and sat down on one of the sofas. When he noticed Suzuki-san, he patted the bear’s head before his attention turned back to Misaki.

“Is Usami-sensei not here?”

“No,” Misaki replied, “he’s out to buy cigarettes.” He didn’t want to tell Ijuuin about the fight he and Akihiko had earlier, as that would only encourage the man to make a move, and Misaki was most certainly not in the mood for that. “If you want to talk to him, I’m afraid you’ll have to wait a little longer.”

“Not necessarily,” Ijuuin admitted, crossing his legs. “I came here to talk to you, Takahashi-kun.”

A sudden feeling of fear enveloped Misaki’s mind while he poured the tea into the cups. Although he could’ve seen this coming, he wasn’t prepared to talk to Ijuuin. Obviously, the man wanted to know the reason why he hadn’t responded to his note in any way. Perhaps telling him that his feelings were only one-sided would solve to problem, but how was Misaki supposed to say it? He had never been good with words.

With a fake smile on his face, Misaki walked to the living room area and handed Ijuuin his tea. He then took a seat across from him and carefully took a sip from his own drink.

“Takahashi-kun, I gave you a note earlier,” Ijuuin said with a calm voice. “Did you read it?”

Had he been good at lying, then Misaki would have denied it. However, he was aware of his facial expression betraying him whenever he told a lie, so he decided against it. Instead, he glanced at Ijuuin and nodded quickly.

“Yes, I have read it.”

“That’s good, but how come you haven’t replied to my note? Has Usami-sensei been keeping you busy?”

Misaki put his tea cup down with a slight shake of his hand. There was no sign of aggression behind Ijuuin’s words, but it was obvious he was offended and wanted to hear an explanation. This was the moment where Misaki had to clear things up. No matter how afraid he was, he had to explain that he couldn’t love Ijuuin…and for that, he was going to have to admit his feelings for Akihiko.

Growing uncomfortable with the stare Ijuuin was giving him, Misaki chose to answer the  question.

“Sensei, I know you like me and I do appreciate your offer, but I simply can’t meet up with you,” he spoke softly, trying to stop his voice from quivering. He stared at his tea cup, not wanting to meet the other’s gaze.

Ijuuin smiled to himself. “It isn’t because you _can’t_ ,” he replied calmly. “It’s because Usami-sensei doesn’t want you to talk to me, isn’t it? I’m aware that he doesn’t like me, especially since he knows about my feelings for you, but I don’t think he has the right to restrain you. After all, you and I are colleagues, so he shouldn’t try to interfere.”

The moment he heard that, Misaki began to feel a tad irritated. While he loved Ijuuin’s works and thought of him as a kind person, he wasn’t fond of the idea that he was using work as an excuse to meet up with him.

“I don’t see how taking me out for dinner has got anything to do with work,” Misaki pointed out. His voice was kind as usual, but there was a slight hint of cynicism.

“It doesn’t. Like you mentioned before, I like you and I want to get to know you better. Even if you and Usami-sensei are dating, I would like to find out what kind of person Takahashi-kun really is. I don’t see what’s so bad about that.”

Misaki resisted the need to yell at the other out of utter frustration. It was clear as day that Ijuuin was trying to steal him away from Akihiko, even if he pretended to be innocent in the whole thing. Did he really think Misaki was that stupid?

For a second or two, it became hard to breathe. Misaki closed his eyes and let out a quiet sigh before leaning back. As much as he wanted to explain why he couldn’t be around Ijuuin so much, he found it difficult. Everything revolved around his relationship with Akihiko, which wasn’t a comfortable subject for him to discuss. He didn’t have a choice though.

“Sensei, I—” Misaki silenced himself when Ijuuin rose from his seat and walked towards him, only to sit down next to him. The man casually placed his elbow onto the backrest and used it to support his head as he stared into his eyes.

“Are you sure you don’t like me?” he asked all of a sudden.

Misaki’s face lit up because of the question. Quickly looking away, he began to wonder why he was getting so flustered. It wasn’t like he had any romantic feelings for Ijuuin.

Or maybe he simply hadn’t realized it yet.

Was it possible that he had the same feelings for both Akihiko and the man he had admired since his childhood? Maybe he had locked away his feelings for the latter because he was dating Akihiko. It wasn’t unthinkable; Misaki did find Ijuuin very handsome and kind, but did that mean that the years Misaki had lived with Akihiko couldn’t stand up to the few months he had known Ijuuin?

The complexity of the situation was frustrating Misaki to the core. Apparently, Ijuuin noticed this as he gently played with a few locks of the other’s hair. His fingers combed through the messy strands, a modest smile playing on his lips.

“You’re blushing,” he pointed out. “Takahashi-kun, you really are cute.”

“Don’t say that, Sensei,” Misaki pleaded. He couldn’t think straight anymore.

“It’s true. I can understand why Usami-sensei is so protective of you.”

Misaki shyly looked back at Ijuuin, wondering if he was trying to flatter him. The look in those blue eyes was gentle and honest, and he could even see the love reflected in them. There was no doubt that Ijuuin meant everything he said. It made Misaki wonder how everyone around him could speak their mind so openly without getting embarrassed.

His attention turned back to Ijuuin, who was still watching him lovingly.

“Why are you saying all of this to me?”

Ijuuin laughed softly. “Because I love you, of course. Is it a crime to express my feelings for you?”

“No, it isn’t…”

“Then, can you give me a chance to make you fall in love with me?” Ijuuin asked, moving a bit closer. “If we both try to work on our relationship, I’m sure we can become the happiest people in the world.”

Silence filled the penthouse after this request, but the mood didn’t change. Misaki still felt uncomfortable and confused while Ijuuin seemed rather confident about the whole situation. In addition, Ijuuin removed the space between them, bringing his face closer to Misaki’s.

It took a few seconds before Misaki realized what was happening. It startled him when he felt soft pressure on his lips and his eyes widened immensely. Swiftly moving back, he broke the kiss and stared at the other in disbelief.

“W-what are you doing?!” he asked in panic.

The expression on Ijuuin’s face didn’t falter. “I simply wanted to kiss you. There’s no need to be so surprised.”

“I didn’t see it coming…”

Ijuuin chuckled once more and gently cupped Misaki’s face with his warm hands. “Since you know now, it won’t be unexpected if I do it again.” He pulled Misaki closer for a second attempt.

Countless of thoughts rushed through Misaki’s mind as he was brought in for another kiss. Something about kissing Ijuuin seemed so weird to him. Whenever Akihiko kissed him, he felt a little embarrassed, but he would also feel happiness well up inside of him. This was different.This wasn’t love. It simply couldn’t be.

Misaki couldn’t tell if his body was responding out of instinct or not, but he felt his hands move to Ijuuin’s chest and push him away. Although the gesture wasn’t forceful, it was enough to make Ijuuin realize that he had to stop what he was doing. Obediently, he released the boy’s lips and gave him a questioning look.

Both relief and guilt filled Misaki’s mind and he lowered his gaze to break eye contact with Ijuuin. He understood that this kind of rejection was painful for him, but he couldn’t lie about his own feelings.

“I’m sorry, Ijuuin-sensei. I can’t do this.”

It was clear to him that the only person he loved was Akihiko. No one could ever change that.

 


	4. Chapter 4

Ijuuin stared at the young man in front of him, confused by his reaction. He hadn’t expected Misaki to push him away during a kiss, not since he seemed to question his feelings for him.

“Takahashi-kun, why is it that you can’t do this?” he asked patiently, trying not to sound too disappointed.

Misaki did not look up at Ijuuin and shook his head from side to side. Even though he had rejected him, Misaki couldn’t find the strength to look him right in the eye and tell him what was on his mind. It was out of fear of hurting the man he had admired for so many years. What if Ijuuin actually got depressed after being rejected?

In a desperate attempt to calm down, Misaki reached for his cup of tea to take a sip. His fingers were trembling visibly, embarrassing him further and making him more nervous. No matter what happened, Misaki was not planning to lose his mind. He tried to distract himself with his drink, but failed at this as he felt Ijuuin stare at him.

“Are you ignoring me now?” Ijuuin asked, sounding as though he was teasing Misaki.

“No, Sensei…” Misaki replied softly. “I just…don’t know what to say.”

A small smile crept to Ijuuin’s lips. “Doesn’t that mean that you are interested in me, Takahashi-kun? Why would you not know how to answer my question if you don’t like me?”

“It’s not like that…”

“Then what is it?” Ijuuin asked, running a hand through the other’s hair.

The tea cup was placed back onto the table, Misaki’s fingers still trembling as he put it down. He took a few deep breaths and slowly looked back at Ijuuin. The way he was being touched him wasn’t anything inappropriate, but he didn’t like how affectionate it felt. Even so, he knew he had to provide an answer, or Ijuuin would see no reason to stop trying to get closer to him.

“I-Ijuuin-sensei,” the younger male spoke in a whisper voice. “My feelings for you are really not what you think they are. I know I’ve exclaimed how much I like you many times, but that was meant to encourage you. I really love your work, but that does not mean that I’m in love with _you_.”

Misaki’s eyes fluttered shut for a moment. “You’re a very kind person and I appreciate that you want to get along with me,” he continued, “but the problem is that I can’t become your lover, because I don’t have that kind of feelings for you. If we were just friends, it’d be okay.”

Ijuuin didn’t seem impressed by Misaki’s words; his smile didn’t falter at all.

“It sounds like Usami-san really got to you,” he said.

“What do you mean?”

“You don’t have to pretend like you don’t know. I’m aware that Usami-sensei is forcing you to stay with him. He is always trying to keep you away from others and he doesn’t want me to come close to you.”

At that point, by those words coming from Ijuuin’s lips, Misaki felt himself boil with anger. It was true that Akihiko had been forceful before, but there was no way he was accepting anyone to talk about him that way. It was all in the past; it wasn’t the reason why Misaki still lived with him.

“Don’t talk about Usagi-san like you know him!”

Ijuuin blinked in surprise. “Excuse me?”

“Usagi-san is not forcing me to stay with him,” Misaki explained. “Yes, he sometimes says weird things to me about never letting me go, but he’s also said that he doesn’t want to restrain me. You don’t know him like I do. Usagi-san is a very kind person and I’m staying with him because I want to, not because he tells me to.”

There was a long pause after he poured his heart out. They were staring at each other with wide eyes, neither of them believing what he had just said. Misaki was hardly honest and open about his feelings for Akihiko, but in the heat of the moment he had blurted them out like it was nothing.

He looked away as heat rushed through his body, gathering under the skin of his cheeks. Thinking of the real reason why he wanted to be with Akihiko embarrassed him. Even though he wasn’t sure if he could say it out loud, he was rather proud of himself. At least he had confessed that he liked living with the man he loved and that he had no intentions of leaving Akihiko.

All he could do was hope that Ijuuin would understand his rejection and finally accept it.

The silence was suddenly broken by a click of the doorknob. Both men turned their heads to see what was happening and watched how the door opened with a barely audible creak. A pale hand on the knob caught their attention before their eyes were drawn to the visitor’s face.

Their gazes locked, a gasp escaping from Misaki’s lips. The eye contact only lingered for a second as Akihiko stared at the other man sitting on the couch.

“U-Usagi-san,” Misaki stuttered in a weak voice, completely shocked. He was confident Akihiko wasn’t happy to see Ijuuin in his penthouse, especially alone with his lover. Could it possibly get any worse than this?

Akihiko didn’t take his eyes off Ijuuin, completely ignoring Misaki’s attempt to speak. His eyes showed no emotion and his lips were a thin line. He took two steps inside and closed the door without looking back.

“It has been a while, Ijuuin-sensei.”

The look on Ijuuin’s face as Akihiko greeted him way too politely was one of sole anxiety. The unreadable expression on the author's face was one he was familiar with, but he didn’t expect him to act so calmly in their current situation.

Nevertheless, he forced a smile on his face. “Indeed, Usami-sensei. We haven’t seen each other for quite some time. How are you doing today?”

“I’m doing fine, but I must admit I’m surprised to see you here.” For a moment, Akihiko glanced at Misaki, who was still seated next to Ijuuin. “Is there something important that you wanted to talk about?”

Misaki had analyzed the situation and decided that it would be dangerous to argue. Clutching the armrest of the pink sofa, he could only watch and wait for the conversation to continue. Any interference on his behalf could be fatal, he decided after seeing how Akihiko was behaving. Anger didn’t always result into yelling or becoming aggressive. If Akihiko was truly mad, his attitude would not show a single trace of this. He’d mask his feelings perfectly, keeping them under control. Misaki had already noticed that was exactly what was happening, so he kept quiet.

Since Ijuuin remained as silent as the younger man sitting by his side, Akihiko approached the couch in small steps.

“You haven’t answered my question yet, Ijuuin-sensei,” he pointed out. “What is your reason for coming here?”

“I…” Ijuuin seemed at a loss of words, looking into those calm, violet eyes as he tried to conjure up an answer.

“What’s the matter? You haven’t done anything to be ashamed of, have you?”

Akihiko masterfully intimidated him. Footsteps echoed quietly until he stopped, standing right next to Ijuuin. Being so close granted him the possibility to see how pale his face was. It looked like he had just seen a ghost, which was quite an amusing sight.

At the same time, Akihiko’s anger was still present and growing stronger with every second. Finally, he lost his patience and glared at Ijuuin.

“I haven’t got all day, so if you have no business here I suggest you leave.” The tone in his voice was suddenly cold and unfittingly demanding.

Almost instantly, Ijuuin shot up from the couch and bowed quickly. “Sorry for bothering you, Usami-sensei,” he said, keeping his head low to prevent eye contact. Turning around, he glanced at Misaki through his bangs. “I must go now, Takahashi-kun. It was nice talking to you.”

“S-sensei?” Misaki stuttered, confused by Ijuuin’s reticence. Didn’t he usually admit his feelings for him so openly, even when Akihiko was around? Maybe he really was scared of him for once, or he had accepted that Misaki couldn’t love him back.

Oblivious to his surroundings, Misaki got lost in his thoughts. For the first time since Ijuuin’s love confession, he had managed to say that he’d rather stay with Akihiko than going out with the person he admired. It was possible—not likely, but not impossible either—that his choice had given Ijuuin the push he needed to realize that Misaki didn’t have any romantic feelings for him.

He couldn’t get an answer as Ijuuin was already making his way to the door with his gaze fixed on the ground, no longer having the will to speak. As Misaki saw him like that, he felt a twinge of pain is his heart for crushing his dreams. Ijuuin had always been friendly, so it hurt to see him sink into despair. It wasn’t the first time Misaki had to witness that; Akihiko had looked the same way when he found out about Takahiro’s plans to get married. Luckily, Akihiko found happiness with someone else.

‘One day you’ll find someone who will love you back, Sensei,’ Misaki thought, smiling faintly as Ijuuin opened the door and left the penthouse. His heart was beating evenly until Akihiko’s voice broke the silence, startling him.

“Misaki…” It was all Akihiko said, but one word was enough to gain Misaki’s full attention. Green eyes stared at him intensely, looking somewhat frightened. It was easy to tell that Misaki was panicking.

“U-Usagi-san, please don’t misunderstand. Ijuuin-sensei was here to ask why I didn’t contact him about the note. I didn’t invite him over.”

“Did he do anything to you?”

It became muggy and hard to breathe for Misaki after Akihiko’s question. Ijuuin had kissed him, which wasn’t his fault at all, but that was hard to explain to Akihiko. He had no idea how angry his lover still was, although he seemed to have calmed down a bit since Ijuuin had left.

“He…he kissed me,” Misaki admitted, “b-but I rejected him! I told him that I don’t feel that way about him.”

For a split second, anger flashed in Akihiko’s eyes. “What did he do after that?” he asked, his tone hinting irritation.

“Not much. He didn’t try anything else, but he accused you of forcing me to stay with you and that made me angry, so I told him it’s not like that.”

“I know.”

Misaki’s eyes widened even more. “What? How do you—”

“You were practically yelling while I was unlocking the door, so I heard everything you said to Ijuuin about staying with me.” Placing his hands on the backrest, Akihiko lowered himself and leaned closer to Misaki. “I’m glad you said that.”

As Misaki heard this, he thought there was something wrong with his hearing. He was certain that Akihiko was angry, but the man appeared to have pushed all these feelings aside and forgiven him.

“Aren’t you mad at me?” he asked carefully.

Akihiko closed his eyes and shook his head. “I admit it troubled me to find you alone with that mangaka, mostly because I was afraid you might turn away from me after the argument we had. Your words relieved me, more than you can imagine.”

“Usagi-san, did you really think I would leave you for Ijuuin-sensei? Is that what you think of me?”

“I thought the fight we had could have given you second thoughts about living with me.”

Right then, Misaki understood Akihiko’s incertitude. Although he wanted to reassure his lover, he gave him the opportunity to speak.

“When I heard you talk back to Ijuuin so earnestly, it made me so happy.”

“You’re an idiot,” Misaki said, cocking his head to the side as he felt a blush coming up. “That is why I always tell you not to jump to conclusions.”

Smiling fairly, Akihiko tilted Misaki’s face back and placed his lips over his to kiss him briefly. Then, he looked into his eyes and whispered sweet words of affection against his lips.

“I love you,” he said. No more words were needed.

 


End file.
